Archive for August 13, 2011
Your Questions About Shopping Online Primark
Michael asks…
where is an online Primark shopping site?
i really need to see a Primark online shopping site
admin answers:
How about this one,check to visit http://http://www.popfashionstore.com/product/brand/index.html/product/brand/index.html?af=4 , I always buy things there.the price is reasonable and people are very kind.
Jenny asks…
Wouldn’t it be great if primark did online shopping, anyone know if they have plans to?
If not can anyone think of any similar websites that do online shopping?
admin answers:
That would actually be awsome , my nearest primark is like 1/2 hour away =[ but i absolutely love it. :D and if they did put their clothes on the internettt you wouldnt have to line up in the HUGEEEEEE liness!
Richard asks…
Primark shopping online
Does anyone know if there’s a website showing Primark‘s new stock?
Thanks.
admin answers:
All I could find is this:
http://www.primark.co.uk/index2.shtml
Good job really, if they had a site where you could buy stuff I’d never stop spending!
George asks…
does anyone know of any shops online like Primark or just nice reasonable prices ladies clothes?
I love primark clothes, their cheap so you can wear them a few times and not feel bad when you dont want them anymore!
As Primark do not have an on line shop does anyone know if there are any online shops that are similar???
admin answers:
H&M have a sale on right now.
Mark asks…
why doesnt primark have an online shop like every other successfull clothes shop in this country?
new look,river island,top shop even peacocks they all have online shops so why does primark thinks its so special that it can’t even be bothered to make an online store for itself? Doesnt it care about the punters??
by the way I probably have spelt words wrong. I do that alot. Don’t get mad.
admin answers:
Probably because it sells poor quality cheap tat which it imports and sells at a low profit margin, making it impossible to offer more savings.
James asks…
one of those days again where i think how unfortunate is it that primark don’t have online shopping?
those morons.
admin answers:
I know! Tell me about it.
They better get it sorted!
Mandy asks…
primark shopping – 10 points?
can someone please show me the shop online at primark
thanks
admin answers:
Http://primarkonlineshop.com/
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The Apple and Amazon Kindle between peak
One is the oldest brother in the Tablet PC market, representative product Apple’s iPad; Another reason is the first in the e-book industry, representative product is the Kindle. If Apple’s iPad Tablet PC dominate the world and rule and many competitors still are fatigue, industry takes hope to the Amazon. Recently, market research, the Forrester, that this Jahr Apple iPad 2 thinks have no rival, but Amazon has the chance. The reason is the brand that income channels, content and price.
Here, I think that Amazon should be a high-performance e-business brand, which is more appropriate, although the powerful customers brand, but Apple is not? At least PC market may in the tablet of the Apple brand awareness IOS 2 be said the highest. According to the latest research, the users who have the intention to purchase of Tablet PC, tendency, 82% of users of the Apple iPad, choose or 2. so the author wants to images to provide Amazon Apple’s global position in question is iPad almost no meaning. The feet of your Apple has every corner of the world reached been, and continuously started the new but attractive products that capture the attention of the customers, to lead the market tend, and strengthen its global position.
The author comes with multiple views in the following.
Author says Amazon Kindle is the sale of e-book, music and video content, and later starts the Android application store this month. Amazon obviously occupy a greater advantage in the software,
But it is known to everyone, the Amazon Kindle e-book reader one only allowed special products, users, do one thing: read. To survive to keep, must it do out perfectly, not only for the comparison with other eBook reader, but also Apple iPad equipped with multifunction device. IOS is able, thousands of things to make, when iPad use, have to read the eBook, although pass it in a crowd, but worse than the Kindle. Compared to that iPad, the Kindle volume is easier. This is very important for readers. Also in the Sun, the user can view the contents of which shows Kindle still well. In addition calculated the battery of the Kindle 3000ibs according to week instead of hours.
But as for iPad, is the largest product defects, the iPad does not support flash video, DVD, or some of the video format. There is no doubt that it very much trouble for those favorite movie on IOS to see. So, there is no way but a third-party application such as IOS video converter Macis to use. Listen to in the comparison that iPad if Kindle have really so, then transferred not the voice of iPad users.
End of June was in the report says: “there are preliminary indications that the already started iPad purchase Kindle users and also turned to Apple’s iBookstore.” Volcker said: “iPad user eBook purchase amount exceeded our expectations, former 65 days the download more than 500 million, is any equipment be.” 2.5 Download this the Kindle download three books with each level of basic whole.
From a long-term point, it’s still hard to say that Kindle is replaced as IOS multifunctional equipment. Can say Amazon it is of course Kindle 20 generation, but, when Amazon released the Kindle courage make sales or to persuade.
I am an educational expert, which were always make a study of innovation in the field of education, educational reform, and consider how to deliver and develop the most practical teaching assistant, and placing them in practical teaching, we review the best Free DVD to iPad converter and free iPad converter to those help, which are bad they need to convert and watch film on IOS.
View the original article here
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Your Questions About Tesco Shopping On Line
Lizzie asks…
Why can’t i check out at tesco on line?
I have been shopping on line with tesco for some time now, but when i go to the checkout page it won’t load, i can add my shopping and book my delivery slot but that is it. I have nortan security so im sure my computer is safe. Please help!!!!
admin answers:
Hi,I have had the same trouble with Tesco.Wait & try later.i did & managed to check out.I think its there server.Good
Luck
Paul asks…
is there a minimum amount you have to spent to shop on-line at tesco?
admin answers:
No i dont think so, but they do charge £5 for delivery so its a bit of a waste to only buy a couple of things. In sainsburys if you spend over £70ish its free delivery. Woop de doo!
Lisa asks…
On line grocery shopping?
Does anyone here shop for their groceries on line from Tesco or Asda etc? Never done it before so i’m a bit wary. Is there a charge for delivery? Do you find it good or are there any problems? Thanks x
admin answers:
Check out Tesco’s website , it will have info there, also it will have their contact info , so they can answer directly any questions you might have/
Charles asks…
Is any one else having problems logging in to Barclay’s On-line Banking or is it just me?
Last night I tried to use my bank card to buy shopping on-line from tesco but My card was declined. I can not understand this as there should be plenty of money in account as have just been paid. I have been trying to log in to barclays on-line banking to try an see what is going on and why my card is being declined as im really worried. But each time I try and log in I type my surname and membership number and can get to the next page and type last for digits from card and code from pin sensory. But when I click next after this I get a error message that says (5. Barclay’s on-line banking is unavailable at the moment)and can’t log in. Is any one else having this problem this morning or is it just me
any advice would be much appreciated
thanks in advance
barclays on-line banking is working again now and my card is working again now. There whole system must have been down over night or some thing.
admin answers:
They did a maintenance update over night. I had used it OK Saturday morning, and saw the message on screen.
Joseph asks…
Have you seen the Christmas puddings on Tesco on-line?
I actually ordered one yesterday for tomorrow’s shopping. Thought I’d do a bit each week as they say. Then i thought, you stupid person What are you doing??? It’s September .
admin answers:
I have tried them all over the years..Lidls is the best by far..
Try one before Christmas if you dont believe me.
Dont knock ‘em you cannot get in the car park for 4×4′s where I live…they even sell horse tack.
Sharon asks…
Poll: Are you now confined to shopping on line?
since Tesco has banned shoppers wearing pyjamas…………lmao
BJ&Co – Why thank you for being so kind
Steve – Melons Ehhh ha ha ha
LL – lmao @ that xx
admin answers:
LMAO! I can’t believe they did that. That’s hysterical!
Every single time I go shopping I threaten to shop online…and then come home and do nothing
Chris asks…
USA on line grocery shopping?
was just wondering what online grocery stores there is in the usa as in the uk we have asda tesco and 1 or 2 others i buy my grocerys from asda and have them deliverd every week as i find that grocery shopping online saves me a lot of time dose it work as the same way as in the uk you order and pay online and have them deliverd
admin answers:
Oh – didn’t expect this was just checking out the link and here I am.
ShopFoodex – Grocery Delivery
USA nationwide delivery of non-perishable groceries and local … Online Grocery Shopping and Delivery. Kickin’ it since 2003! Choose Your Service Below: …www.shopfoodex.com/index.php –
Netgrocer
Nationwide online grocery shopping service offers food, drug store items, pet care products, and cleaning supplies.www.netgrocer.com
Pack Barrel Caribbean Grocery Shipping Jamaica Online Grocery Shopping
Caribbean Grocery, Shipping Barrels to Jamaica, Jamaica online grocery shopping, company international delivery online Groceries to Caribbean and USA within 48 …www.packabarrel.com/news_caribbean2.php
by the looks of it USA pretty much got it made! Hope this helps – more sites online I am sure. Good luck.
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Your Questions About Next Shopping On Line
Robert asks…
do you find it rude when your shopping and the person next in line rushes?
up on you.
my example I was shopping today i paid with cash money so I had to put my cash i also count it so if there is an issue i still have the attention of the teller. then i put it in my purse or back pocket. today back pocket was that. Before I could even fold my money to put it away this lady was hiding my bag of stuff i bought with her body.
Once i got my money away i grabed my bag i said excuse me may i get my things. and she said sorry.. so I know it wasn’t intentional but this is just one example
i’m in ahurry because of lunch … but i find some people who do this are rude. Lilke can I have personal space.. if i wasn’t paying attention and yawned I would of knocked the lady out.
WTF.
Where do you draw the line and when do you say something to another human for their rushes.?
i know we are in the fast go go go faster age. but still.
okay i normally do not thumbs down people but i guess today is an exception!
Please guys answer the questions I ask not the ones you develop in your head. please and thank you!
admin answers:
Im a cashier at a local mall around where I live. Unfortunately its really common for people to just assume that they have to rush the person in front of them. They should be aware that shopping is not a race. Generally if a customer does this I tell them to wait one moment (politely) and finish up with the other customer. Your cashier probably should have done that but sadly this doesn’t deter all customers. I would draw the line at someone just pushing their way in front of me and invading my space rather than just rushing me from behind. I say definitely mention when someone is being rude to you but don’t make a scene out of it because that helps no one.
Richard asks…
How do you keep a story interesting without rushing ahead to the next line or conversation?
“Wooo! Can we go on again?” Summer asked us all as we were clinking back to the start of the ride.
“YESS!” we all screeched pulling the safety bars back over us.
About six hours, lunch and lots more rides later we were tiring and Elisha’s mum who was picking us up rang us to say that she was done shopping and she’d be coming to pick us up in half an hour.
We rode our last ride at Alton Towers and then mooched back up to the car park were Elisha’s mum was waiting.
“Hi girls! Did you all have fun?” Elisha’s mum, Claire, asked, “Mind the bags, I‘ve been shopping all day.”
Elisha shoved all the bags in the boot and said “Get in.”
etc.
I feel like when I write I rush my story. The paragraph or sentence can be decent but then the next line will seem rushed like I’ve got bored of that bit so I’ll move on. How can I prevent this?
admin answers:
As you’re writing your first draft, you don’t have to worry too much about the pace of the story… That’s more an issue that comes with editing, than with initial writing.
Let yourself rush ahead if it feels like you’re bored… Maybe the story is ready to keep moving. You can always go back and add more if you need to. When you’re done with the entire story, and you have a better idea of the story that you’re telling, you’ll be able to reread what you’ve written and say “I’m rushing this… I want there to be more tension in this scene” and you can insert more dialogue, description or conflict as you need to.
It’s best to not focus TOO much on pacing during this first draft. Focus on getting the story out, and on your second draft, focus on getting the story better formed.
Linda asks…
How much makeup do you wear for everyday things like grocery shopping, errands etc. or do you not wear any?
Sometimes I feel like I wear too much makeup to go out for everday things like shopping and other errands etc. Here’s what I wear:
I do a full face application of Almay Smart Shade makeup, then I powder any shiny parts with a translucent face powder (usually Cover Girl), next I use some eyebrow powder on my eyebrows to fill in any bald looking spots. Then I apply only 1 shade of eyeshadow to my eyelids only (usually a med. brown eyeshadow). Next, I line my eyes with black liquid eyeliner, top of eye only along the edge of the eyelids and I try to make the line as thin as I can. (I never ever skip the eyeliner step, I feel naked without it). Next I do a coat of mascara and sometimes I curl my eyelashes and sometimes I don’t (depending on how much time I have). Then my favorite lipstick or lipgloss and finally, depending on if I have time or not I’ll use a little bit blush, but I usually skip the blush. Is that too much make-up to wear for going out to do errands?
admin answers:
I do my whole face…foundation, powder, eyeshadow, liner, mascara, lipstick or lipgloss…even if i`m just at home…i just luv playing around with makeup, it`s fun & i like to see how creative i can get!!! The only time i ever go outside without my makeup on, is when i`m going to the tanning bed…
Nancy asks…
Why do I need to take my telephone plug out from socket when I use my Credit card machine on the same tel line?
Here in my shop, I have got one tel line which is connected to my tel and Credit card machine. When I use C/C machine, the transaction does not go through until I disconnect the tel from its socket.
This problem does not occur in my next door shop. please help…
admin answers:
Your telephone jack is wired incorrectly. Try using a phone in the jack that you have the credit card machine plugged into.
Betty asks…
My boyfriend and I are off to Greece next month and I want to buy a few new, cute outfits?
but I don’t want to spend alot. It will be cold in Greece next month and I need to do my shopping on-line! Any great stores that I should check out?
admin answers:
Www.gojane.com
www.pinkicestore.com
www.wetseal.com
www.cutesyshoes.com
thats where i get all my clothes from i love all of those websites they are amazing!! Have fun!
Laura asks…
Sinfulsaintapparel.com What comes to mind? Would you be curious about there jewelry line?
its a domain name i’m coming up with, so far I have my Jewelry line, next mission is creating shirts in a few months… Would you shop at a place with this name? I sell rosaries (fashion) for jews, muslims and catholics, but no jesus on the crucifix, sorry y’all!
Or how about sinfulsaintdesign.com?
I believe I can only handle the main religions lol, there are already a lot of christian rosaries and pagan and wiccan ones
admin answers:
Personally i would definitely look into. I am jewish so i would surely check it out!
Helen asks…
The Blues- Do’s & Dont’s
Another email I got. Anyone else see this? (Bet this has already been posted here 12 dozen times, huh?)
If you are new to Blues music, or like it but never really understood
the why and wherefores, here are some very fundamental rules:
1. Most Blues begin with: “Woke up this morning…”
2. “I got a good woman” is a bad way to begin the Blues, unless
you stick something nasty in the next line like, “I got a good
woman, with the meanest face in town.”
3. The Blues is simple. After you get the first line right, repeat it.
Then find something that rhymes – sort of: “Got a good woman
with the meanest face in town. Yes, I got a good woman with
the meanest face in town. Got teeth like Margaret Thatcher
and she weigh 500 pound.”
4. The Blues is not about choice. You stuck in a ditch, you stuck
in a ditch…ain’t no way out.
5. Blues cars: Chevys, Fords, Cadillacs and broken-down trucks.
Blues don’t travel in Volvos, BMWs, or Sport Utility Vehicles.
Most Blues transportation is a Greyhound bus or a southbound
train. Jet aircraft and state-sponsored motor pools ain’t even in
the running. Walkin’ plays a major part in the Blues lifestyle.
So does fixin’ to die.
6. Teenagers can’t sing the Blues. They ain’t fixin’ to die yet.
Adults sing the Blues. In Blues, “adulthood” means being old
enough to get the electric chair if you shoot a man in Memphis.
7. Blues can take place in New York City but not in Hawaii or
anywhere in Canada. Hard times in Minneapolis or Seattle is
probably just clinical depression. Chicago, St. Louis, Kansas
City, Memphis, and Nawlins are still the best places to have
the Blues. You cannot have the Blues in any place that don’t
get rain.
8. A man with male pattern baldness ain’t the Blues. A woman
with male pattern baldness is. Breaking your leg ’cause you
were skiing is not the Blues. Breaking your leg ’cause a alligator
be chomping on it is.
9. You can’t have no Blues in an office or a shopping mall. The
lighting is wrong. Go outside to the parking lot or sit by the
dumpster.
10. Good places for the Blues
a. highway
b. jailhouse
c. empty bed
d. bottom of a whiskey glass
11. Bad places for the Blues
a. Nordstrom’s
b. gallery openings
c. Ivy League institutions
d. golf courses
12. No one will believe it’s the Blues if you wear a suit, ‘less you
happen to be an old person, and you slept in it.
13. Do you have the right to sing the Blues?
Yes, if:
a. you’re older than dirt
b. you’re blind
c. you shot a man in Memphis
d. you can’t be satisfied
No, if:
a. you have all your teeth
b. you were once blind but now can see
c. the man in Memphis lived
d. you have a 401K or trust fund
14. Blues is not a matter of color. It’s a matter of bad luck. Tiger
Woods cannot sing the Blues. Sonny Liston could have.
Ugly white people also got a leg up on the Blues.
15. If you ask for water and your darlin’ gives you gasoline, it’s
the Blues.Other acceptable Blues beverages are:
a. cheap wine
b. whiskey or bourbon
c. muddy water
d. black coffee
The following are NOT Blues beverages:
a. Perrier
b. Chardonnay
c. Snapple
d. Slim Fast
16. If death occurs in a cheap motel or a shotgun shack, it’s a
Blues death. Stabbed in the back by a jealous lover is
another Blues way to die. So are the electric chair,
substance abuse and dying lonely on a broken-down cot.
You can’t have a Blues death if you die during a tennis
match or while getting liposuction.
17. Some Blues names for women:
a. Sadie
b. Big Mama
c. Bessie
d. Fat River Dumpling
18. Some Blues names for men:
a. Joe
b. Willie
c. Little Willie
d. Big Willie
19. Persons with names like Michelle, Amber, Jennifer, Debbie,
and Heather can’t sing the Blues no matter how many
men they shoot in Memphis.
20. Blues Name Starter Kit
a. name of physical infirmity (Blind, Cripple, Lame, etc.)
b. first name (see above) plus name of fruit (Lemon, Lime,
Kiwi, etc.)
c. last name of President (Jefferson, Johnson, Fillmore, etc.)
For example: Blind Lime Jefferson, Pegleg Lemon
Johnson or Cripple Kiwi Fillmore, etc. (Well, maybe not “Kiwi.”)
21. I don’t care how tragic your life is: if you own a computer, you
cannot sing the blues, period.
admin answers:
Fonzie, I love the blues. And this had to be one of the funniest things I’ve ever read.
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Your Questions About Next Shopping On Line
Charles asks…
do you find it rude when your shopping and the person next in line rushes?
up on you.
my example I was shopping today i paid with cash money so I had to put my cash i also count it so if there is an issue i still have the attention of the teller. then i put it in my purse or back pocket. today back pocket was that. Before I could even fold my money to put it away this lady was hiding my bag of stuff i bought with her body.
Once i got my money away i grabed my bag i said excuse me may i get my things. and she said sorry.. so I know it wasn’t intentional but this is just one example
i’m in ahurry because of lunch … but i find some people who do this are rude. Lilke can I have personal space.. if i wasn’t paying attention and yawned I would of knocked the lady out.
WTF.
Where do you draw the line and when do you say something to another human for their rushes.?
i know we are in the fast go go go faster age. but still.
okay i normally do not thumbs down people but i guess today is an exception!
Please guys answer the questions I ask not the ones you develop in your head. please and thank you!
admin answers:
Im a cashier at a local mall around where I live. Unfortunately its really common for people to just assume that they have to rush the person in front of them. They should be aware that shopping is not a race. Generally if a customer does this I tell them to wait one moment (politely) and finish up with the other customer. Your cashier probably should have done that but sadly this doesn’t deter all customers. I would draw the line at someone just pushing their way in front of me and invading my space rather than just rushing me from behind. I say definitely mention when someone is being rude to you but don’t make a scene out of it because that helps no one.
Thomas asks…
How do you keep a story interesting without rushing ahead to the next line or conversation?
“Wooo! Can we go on again?” Summer asked us all as we were clinking back to the start of the ride.
“YESS!” we all screeched pulling the safety bars back over us.
About six hours, lunch and lots more rides later we were tiring and Elisha’s mum who was picking us up rang us to say that she was done shopping and she’d be coming to pick us up in half an hour.
We rode our last ride at Alton Towers and then mooched back up to the car park were Elisha’s mum was waiting.
“Hi girls! Did you all have fun?” Elisha’s mum, Claire, asked, “Mind the bags, I‘ve been shopping all day.”
Elisha shoved all the bags in the boot and said “Get in.”
etc.
I feel like when I write I rush my story. The paragraph or sentence can be decent but then the next line will seem rushed like I’ve got bored of that bit so I’ll move on. How can I prevent this?
admin answers:
As you’re writing your first draft, you don’t have to worry too much about the pace of the story… That’s more an issue that comes with editing, than with initial writing.
Let yourself rush ahead if it feels like you’re bored… Maybe the story is ready to keep moving. You can always go back and add more if you need to. When you’re done with the entire story, and you have a better idea of the story that you’re telling, you’ll be able to reread what you’ve written and say “I’m rushing this… I want there to be more tension in this scene” and you can insert more dialogue, description or conflict as you need to.
It’s best to not focus TOO much on pacing during this first draft. Focus on getting the story out, and on your second draft, focus on getting the story better formed.
Donna asks…
How much makeup do you wear for everyday things like grocery shopping, errands etc. or do you not wear any?
Sometimes I feel like I wear too much makeup to go out for everday things like shopping and other errands etc. Here’s what I wear:
I do a full face application of Almay Smart Shade makeup, then I powder any shiny parts with a translucent face powder (usually Cover Girl), next I use some eyebrow powder on my eyebrows to fill in any bald looking spots. Then I apply only 1 shade of eyeshadow to my eyelids only (usually a med. brown eyeshadow). Next, I line my eyes with black liquid eyeliner, top of eye only along the edge of the eyelids and I try to make the line as thin as I can. (I never ever skip the eyeliner step, I feel naked without it). Next I do a coat of mascara and sometimes I curl my eyelashes and sometimes I don’t (depending on how much time I have). Then my favorite lipstick or lipgloss and finally, depending on if I have time or not I’ll use a little bit blush, but I usually skip the blush. Is that too much make-up to wear for going out to do errands?
admin answers:
I do my whole face…foundation, powder, eyeshadow, liner, mascara, lipstick or lipgloss…even if i`m just at home…i just luv playing around with makeup, it`s fun & i like to see how creative i can get!!! The only time i ever go outside without my makeup on, is when i`m going to the tanning bed…
Mary asks…
Why do I need to take my telephone plug out from socket when I use my Credit card machine on the same tel line?
Here in my shop, I have got one tel line which is connected to my tel and Credit card machine. When I use C/C machine, the transaction does not go through until I disconnect the tel from its socket.
This problem does not occur in my next door shop. please help…
admin answers:
Your telephone jack is wired incorrectly. Try using a phone in the jack that you have the credit card machine plugged into.
Mark asks…
My boyfriend and I are off to Greece next month and I want to buy a few new, cute outfits?
but I don’t want to spend alot. It will be cold in Greece next month and I need to do my shopping on-line! Any great stores that I should check out?
admin answers:
Www.gojane.com
www.pinkicestore.com
www.wetseal.com
www.cutesyshoes.com
thats where i get all my clothes from i love all of those websites they are amazing!! Have fun!
Joseph asks…
Sinfulsaintapparel.com What comes to mind? Would you be curious about there jewelry line?
its a domain name i’m coming up with, so far I have my Jewelry line, next mission is creating shirts in a few months… Would you shop at a place with this name? I sell rosaries (fashion) for jews, muslims and catholics, but no jesus on the crucifix, sorry y’all!
Or how about sinfulsaintdesign.com?
I believe I can only handle the main religions lol, there are already a lot of christian rosaries and pagan and wiccan ones
admin answers:
Personally i would definitely look into. I am jewish so i would surely check it out!
Ken asks…
The Blues- Do’s & Dont’s
Another email I got. Anyone else see this? (Bet this has already been posted here 12 dozen times, huh?)
If you are new to Blues music, or like it but never really understood
the why and wherefores, here are some very fundamental rules:
1. Most Blues begin with: “Woke up this morning…”
2. “I got a good woman” is a bad way to begin the Blues, unless
you stick something nasty in the next line like, “I got a good
woman, with the meanest face in town.”
3. The Blues is simple. After you get the first line right, repeat it.
Then find something that rhymes – sort of: “Got a good woman
with the meanest face in town. Yes, I got a good woman with
the meanest face in town. Got teeth like Margaret Thatcher
and she weigh 500 pound.”
4. The Blues is not about choice. You stuck in a ditch, you stuck
in a ditch…ain’t no way out.
5. Blues cars: Chevys, Fords, Cadillacs and broken-down trucks.
Blues don’t travel in Volvos, BMWs, or Sport Utility Vehicles.
Most Blues transportation is a Greyhound bus or a southbound
train. Jet aircraft and state-sponsored motor pools ain’t even in
the running. Walkin’ plays a major part in the Blues lifestyle.
So does fixin’ to die.
6. Teenagers can’t sing the Blues. They ain’t fixin’ to die yet.
Adults sing the Blues. In Blues, “adulthood” means being old
enough to get the electric chair if you shoot a man in Memphis.
7. Blues can take place in New York City but not in Hawaii or
anywhere in Canada. Hard times in Minneapolis or Seattle is
probably just clinical depression. Chicago, St. Louis, Kansas
City, Memphis, and Nawlins are still the best places to have
the Blues. You cannot have the Blues in any place that don’t
get rain.
8. A man with male pattern baldness ain’t the Blues. A woman
with male pattern baldness is. Breaking your leg ’cause you
were skiing is not the Blues. Breaking your leg ’cause a alligator
be chomping on it is.
9. You can’t have no Blues in an office or a shopping mall. The
lighting is wrong. Go outside to the parking lot or sit by the
dumpster.
10. Good places for the Blues
a. highway
b. jailhouse
c. empty bed
d. bottom of a whiskey glass
11. Bad places for the Blues
a. Nordstrom’s
b. gallery openings
c. Ivy League institutions
d. golf courses
12. No one will believe it’s the Blues if you wear a suit, ‘less you
happen to be an old person, and you slept in it.
13. Do you have the right to sing the Blues?
Yes, if:
a. you’re older than dirt
b. you’re blind
c. you shot a man in Memphis
d. you can’t be satisfied
No, if:
a. you have all your teeth
b. you were once blind but now can see
c. the man in Memphis lived
d. you have a 401K or trust fund
14. Blues is not a matter of color. It’s a matter of bad luck. Tiger
Woods cannot sing the Blues. Sonny Liston could have.
Ugly white people also got a leg up on the Blues.
15. If you ask for water and your darlin’ gives you gasoline, it’s
the Blues.Other acceptable Blues beverages are:
a. cheap wine
b. whiskey or bourbon
c. muddy water
d. black coffee
The following are NOT Blues beverages:
a. Perrier
b. Chardonnay
c. Snapple
d. Slim Fast
16. If death occurs in a cheap motel or a shotgun shack, it’s a
Blues death. Stabbed in the back by a jealous lover is
another Blues way to die. So are the electric chair,
substance abuse and dying lonely on a broken-down cot.
You can’t have a Blues death if you die during a tennis
match or while getting liposuction.
17. Some Blues names for women:
a. Sadie
b. Big Mama
c. Bessie
d. Fat River Dumpling
18. Some Blues names for men:
a. Joe
b. Willie
c. Little Willie
d. Big Willie
19. Persons with names like Michelle, Amber, Jennifer, Debbie,
and Heather can’t sing the Blues no matter how many
men they shoot in Memphis.
20. Blues Name Starter Kit
a. name of physical infirmity (Blind, Cripple, Lame, etc.)
b. first name (see above) plus name of fruit (Lemon, Lime,
Kiwi, etc.)
c. last name of President (Jefferson, Johnson, Fillmore, etc.)
For example: Blind Lime Jefferson, Pegleg Lemon
Johnson or Cripple Kiwi Fillmore, etc. (Well, maybe not “Kiwi.”)
21. I don’t care how tragic your life is: if you own a computer, you
cannot sing the blues, period.
admin answers:
Fonzie, I love the blues. And this had to be one of the funniest things I’ve ever read.
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