Archive for August 11, 2011
Your Questions About Clothes Shopping Online
Joseph asks…
What website do the Spanish use to do their online clothes shopping?
I’m a 29 year old woman and would like to order clothes from an online Spanish retailer, in the UK I used to order from stores like River Island etc so would really like something similar. I know I could just drive to the shops but don’t particularly enjoy shopping in the stores and would really like to do it from the computer.
admin answers:
You’d have to google Spanish based stores.
Laura asks…
What are some good online clothes shopping sites?
I’m keen on doing some online shopping, and was wondering if anyone knows any more sites for online clothes shopping like asos.com and boohoo.com? Not sites for shops you can find on the high street, just online store kind of things? With reasonable prices?
Thanks
admin answers:
Quiz clothing-
http://www.quizclothing.co.uk/
Lisa asks…
Can anyone help me with clothes shopping online?
Hi,
I’m a fashion student at Teesside University, I’m currently researching for my end of year project – could I please take a couple of minutes of your time just to fill out this questionnaire about online shopping for clothes, if you just click on the link below then press done when your finished this will send the answers to me.
http://www.surveymonkey.com/s.aspx?sm=LXPNo21tu5WtRhem1X93Hw_3d_3d
Thank You!
admin answers:
Hope your surveys help you and good luck in the future
Thomas asks…
Can anyone recommend any online clothes shopping/catalog websites?
I’m on exchange in America from England for 6 months. Came out here really looking forward to shopping (and studying of course), unfortunately my university (Penn State) is in the middle of no where with hardly any clothes shops unless i go for a weekend away to a mall/NY (can only afford to do once). I’m resulting to online shopping. Anyone know any good websites? I can’t find any, I’m 20.
admin answers:
Basically all the stores have websites you can order off from.
I get catalogs from alloy, even though i’ve never bought anything there, i just like to look for inspiration, but there clothes are so cute, you should definitely give that a try.
Also, forever 21, wetseal, charlotte russe, loveculture (not sure if there website is open, but it was in construction a while ago), american eagle.
Donald asks…
Looking for really cheap online clothes shopping?
Kind of have a budget on clothes shopping and I could really use some awesome suggestions of online places to get clothes? Live in the US btw so can’t really use boohoo. Thanks so much
admin answers:
Papaya Clothing
Wet Seal
H&M
Forever 21
Go Jane
Steven asks…
Clothes Online Shopping websites for kids?
I need to buy a few stuff (clothes) for a 3 year old girl .. what are some good online shopping websites that i can use?
admin answers:
Zulily.com has the cutest clothes at great prices. Especially good if you don’t want your kid wearing the same clothes as everyone else.
Maria asks…
any good web addresses for online clothes shopping in Australia?
i was wondering is there any good online clothes shopping sites for children and women’s clothes like the littlewoodsireland here in moving to Australia soon and was wondering is there a similar site there .
admin answers:
Http://www.zanox-affiliate.de/ppc/?7263372C433593270T
http://ad.zanox.com/ppc/?7086134C1283850223T
change currency at the top or bottom of the page depending which site.
These two ship to australia and worldwide,
hope that helps
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View the original article here
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Your Questions About Shopping On Line
Thomas asks…
How to get on line shopping discount or cash back?
I spent many time and money on on line shopping. I heard that some websites can make cash back by using there link.
I don’t know how it work but I want to know how can I get some of my cash back.
Please give me some tips to save on online shopping or tell the way to get cash back.
Thanks and have a good day.
admin answers:
Http://home.bigcrumbs.com/shishuang2000
http://my.bigcrumbs.com/shishuang2000
I don’t know if it will work. I just registered for a few days and haven’t get any cash back. But you can try it by yourself.
Good luck !
Sandy asks…
How does the financial crisis affect the on-line shopping?
How does the financial crisis affect people’ on-line shopping ? Will you buy the products from a website abroad now,especially the brand items?
admin answers:
Like all markets it will slow down – i just hope it does not come to a halt!!!!
Ruth asks…
What’s a good way to attract costumers to an on-line shopping mall?
My friend has an on-line shopping for women’s clothing and she seems to have trouble starting the business off. She hasn’t got too many customers so if any of you guys have any advise feel free to comment.
admin answers:
Make a chain of friends., like if a lady brings her friend give her commission
Lisa asks…
How has on-line shopping affected mall shopping ? What is the wave of the future ?
I have to write a three page paper on how on-line shopping has affected mall shopping ? and What is the wave of the future ? I really don’t know and I wanted to get some help. So if you have some answers please let me know and send your answers. THANKS !!!
admin answers:
I believe that on-line shopping has hurt mall shopping a lot. Many businesses in the mall now offer on-line shopping to try and overcome this drawback. I believe that there will be more and more on-line shopping as time goes by.
Sharon asks…
How does the financial crisis affect people’ on-line shopping?
What do you think about the affection of the financial crisis on people’ on-line shopping,especially the products with the brand names? Any influence on you?
admin answers:
The financial crisis has caused a sharp decrease in consumer spending, particularly on items that are non-essential. Name-brand items are often being substituted by no-name products. Some people may be using the internet to do more comparison pricing and may be shopping online a bit more. Overall, however, all shopping has decreased.
Hope this helps. Good luck.
Helen asks…
Would you begin singing a Christmas Carol in order to lighten the mood in a long shopping line?
Can’t you just see the people around you having that “Got to get OUT of here” expressins on their faces, forgetting why they are there in the first place, becoming frusterated with the long lines at checkout….
Are you ballsy enough to try to cheer the line — ‘lines’ — back to the festivity of the Holiday by singing out loud a tune that is a reminder of what we are celebrating?
Why or why not?
admin answers:
As a matter of fact, I already do that. Most stores play Christmas songs on their overhead and I LOVE christmas and christmas songs so I sing to them anyway. I love to sing and I don’t really care where I’m at, I’ll sing regardless. I work in retail and we play Christmas songs and I sing them alll day long. The customers and employees don’t seem to mind, some even like when I do it and some join in. IT’S CHRISTMAS AND IT’S FUN! Lol I don’t really care if I look like a dork, I’m having fun and it’s not doing any harm. I fully recommend others try it, lighten up and do something fun
Charles asks…
Advice on quality of purchase of electronic and computer peripherals through on line shopping?
I would like to know about the quality of electronic gadget and computer if it is purchased through on line shopping. Please advice.
admin answers:
Be sure to read full description of the product. Go to a national chain website and make a note of the price, model #, etc. Then google the item and see what turns up. I would pick companies here in the US, or your home country. MAKE DAMN SURE that what you want is what you are buying——ask the seller/company questions!!! Make sure it is not a refurbished/used product (unless that is what you want). It’s your money, be smart about it!!! I have bought all kinds of computer parts online and , actually, have never been ripped-off—-because I do my homework and I’m careful.
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Your Questions About Next Shopping On Line
Lizzie asks…
do you find it rude when your shopping and the person next in line rushes?
up on you.
my example I was shopping today i paid with cash money so I had to put my cash i also count it so if there is an issue i still have the attention of the teller. then i put it in my purse or back pocket. today back pocket was that. Before I could even fold my money to put it away this lady was hiding my bag of stuff i bought with her body.
Once i got my money away i grabed my bag i said excuse me may i get my things. and she said sorry.. so I know it wasn’t intentional but this is just one example
i’m in ahurry because of lunch … but i find some people who do this are rude. Lilke can I have personal space.. if i wasn’t paying attention and yawned I would of knocked the lady out.
WTF.
Where do you draw the line and when do you say something to another human for their rushes.?
i know we are in the fast go go go faster age. but still.
okay i normally do not thumbs down people but i guess today is an exception!
Please guys answer the questions I ask not the ones you develop in your head. please and thank you!
admin answers:
Im a cashier at a local mall around where I live. Unfortunately its really common for people to just assume that they have to rush the person in front of them. They should be aware that shopping is not a race. Generally if a customer does this I tell them to wait one moment (politely) and finish up with the other customer. Your cashier probably should have done that but sadly this doesn’t deter all customers. I would draw the line at someone just pushing their way in front of me and invading my space rather than just rushing me from behind. I say definitely mention when someone is being rude to you but don’t make a scene out of it because that helps no one.
Daniel asks…
How do you keep a story interesting without rushing ahead to the next line or conversation?
“Wooo! Can we go on again?” Summer asked us all as we were clinking back to the start of the ride.
“YESS!” we all screeched pulling the safety bars back over us.
About six hours, lunch and lots more rides later we were tiring and Elisha’s mum who was picking us up rang us to say that she was done shopping and she’d be coming to pick us up in half an hour.
We rode our last ride at Alton Towers and then mooched back up to the car park were Elisha’s mum was waiting.
“Hi girls! Did you all have fun?” Elisha’s mum, Claire, asked, “Mind the bags, I‘ve been shopping all day.”
Elisha shoved all the bags in the boot and said “Get in.”
etc.
I feel like when I write I rush my story. The paragraph or sentence can be decent but then the next line will seem rushed like I’ve got bored of that bit so I’ll move on. How can I prevent this?
admin answers:
As you’re writing your first draft, you don’t have to worry too much about the pace of the story… That’s more an issue that comes with editing, than with initial writing.
Let yourself rush ahead if it feels like you’re bored… Maybe the story is ready to keep moving. You can always go back and add more if you need to. When you’re done with the entire story, and you have a better idea of the story that you’re telling, you’ll be able to reread what you’ve written and say “I’m rushing this… I want there to be more tension in this scene” and you can insert more dialogue, description or conflict as you need to.
It’s best to not focus TOO much on pacing during this first draft. Focus on getting the story out, and on your second draft, focus on getting the story better formed.
Ruth asks…
How much makeup do you wear for everyday things like grocery shopping, errands etc. or do you not wear any?
Sometimes I feel like I wear too much makeup to go out for everday things like shopping and other errands etc. Here’s what I wear:
I do a full face application of Almay Smart Shade makeup, then I powder any shiny parts with a translucent face powder (usually Cover Girl), next I use some eyebrow powder on my eyebrows to fill in any bald looking spots. Then I apply only 1 shade of eyeshadow to my eyelids only (usually a med. brown eyeshadow). Next, I line my eyes with black liquid eyeliner, top of eye only along the edge of the eyelids and I try to make the line as thin as I can. (I never ever skip the eyeliner step, I feel naked without it). Next I do a coat of mascara and sometimes I curl my eyelashes and sometimes I don’t (depending on how much time I have). Then my favorite lipstick or lipgloss and finally, depending on if I have time or not I’ll use a little bit blush, but I usually skip the blush. Is that too much make-up to wear for going out to do errands?
admin answers:
I do my whole face…foundation, powder, eyeshadow, liner, mascara, lipstick or lipgloss…even if i`m just at home…i just luv playing around with makeup, it`s fun & i like to see how creative i can get!!! The only time i ever go outside without my makeup on, is when i`m going to the tanning bed…
Donna asks…
Why do I need to take my telephone plug out from socket when I use my Credit card machine on the same tel line?
Here in my shop, I have got one tel line which is connected to my tel and Credit card machine. When I use C/C machine, the transaction does not go through until I disconnect the tel from its socket.
This problem does not occur in my next door shop. please help…
admin answers:
Your telephone jack is wired incorrectly. Try using a phone in the jack that you have the credit card machine plugged into.
Ken asks…
My boyfriend and I are off to Greece next month and I want to buy a few new, cute outfits?
but I don’t want to spend alot. It will be cold in Greece next month and I need to do my shopping on-line! Any great stores that I should check out?
admin answers:
Www.gojane.com
www.pinkicestore.com
www.wetseal.com
www.cutesyshoes.com
thats where i get all my clothes from i love all of those websites they are amazing!! Have fun!
Mandy asks…
Sinfulsaintapparel.com What comes to mind? Would you be curious about there jewelry line?
its a domain name i’m coming up with, so far I have my Jewelry line, next mission is creating shirts in a few months… Would you shop at a place with this name? I sell rosaries (fashion) for jews, muslims and catholics, but no jesus on the crucifix, sorry y’all!
Or how about sinfulsaintdesign.com?
I believe I can only handle the main religions lol, there are already a lot of christian rosaries and pagan and wiccan ones
admin answers:
Personally i would definitely look into. I am jewish so i would surely check it out!
Betty asks…
The Blues- Do’s & Dont’s
Another email I got. Anyone else see this? (Bet this has already been posted here 12 dozen times, huh?)
If you are new to Blues music, or like it but never really understood
the why and wherefores, here are some very fundamental rules:
1. Most Blues begin with: “Woke up this morning…”
2. “I got a good woman” is a bad way to begin the Blues, unless
you stick something nasty in the next line like, “I got a good
woman, with the meanest face in town.”
3. The Blues is simple. After you get the first line right, repeat it.
Then find something that rhymes – sort of: “Got a good woman
with the meanest face in town. Yes, I got a good woman with
the meanest face in town. Got teeth like Margaret Thatcher
and she weigh 500 pound.”
4. The Blues is not about choice. You stuck in a ditch, you stuck
in a ditch…ain’t no way out.
5. Blues cars: Chevys, Fords, Cadillacs and broken-down trucks.
Blues don’t travel in Volvos, BMWs, or Sport Utility Vehicles.
Most Blues transportation is a Greyhound bus or a southbound
train. Jet aircraft and state-sponsored motor pools ain’t even in
the running. Walkin’ plays a major part in the Blues lifestyle.
So does fixin’ to die.
6. Teenagers can’t sing the Blues. They ain’t fixin’ to die yet.
Adults sing the Blues. In Blues, “adulthood” means being old
enough to get the electric chair if you shoot a man in Memphis.
7. Blues can take place in New York City but not in Hawaii or
anywhere in Canada. Hard times in Minneapolis or Seattle is
probably just clinical depression. Chicago, St. Louis, Kansas
City, Memphis, and Nawlins are still the best places to have
the Blues. You cannot have the Blues in any place that don’t
get rain.
8. A man with male pattern baldness ain’t the Blues. A woman
with male pattern baldness is. Breaking your leg ’cause you
were skiing is not the Blues. Breaking your leg ’cause a alligator
be chomping on it is.
9. You can’t have no Blues in an office or a shopping mall. The
lighting is wrong. Go outside to the parking lot or sit by the
dumpster.
10. Good places for the Blues
a. highway
b. jailhouse
c. empty bed
d. bottom of a whiskey glass
11. Bad places for the Blues
a. Nordstrom’s
b. gallery openings
c. Ivy League institutions
d. golf courses
12. No one will believe it’s the Blues if you wear a suit, ‘less you
happen to be an old person, and you slept in it.
13. Do you have the right to sing the Blues?
Yes, if:
a. you’re older than dirt
b. you’re blind
c. you shot a man in Memphis
d. you can’t be satisfied
No, if:
a. you have all your teeth
b. you were once blind but now can see
c. the man in Memphis lived
d. you have a 401K or trust fund
14. Blues is not a matter of color. It’s a matter of bad luck. Tiger
Woods cannot sing the Blues. Sonny Liston could have.
Ugly white people also got a leg up on the Blues.
15. If you ask for water and your darlin’ gives you gasoline, it’s
the Blues.Other acceptable Blues beverages are:
a. cheap wine
b. whiskey or bourbon
c. muddy water
d. black coffee
The following are NOT Blues beverages:
a. Perrier
b. Chardonnay
c. Snapple
d. Slim Fast
16. If death occurs in a cheap motel or a shotgun shack, it’s a
Blues death. Stabbed in the back by a jealous lover is
another Blues way to die. So are the electric chair,
substance abuse and dying lonely on a broken-down cot.
You can’t have a Blues death if you die during a tennis
match or while getting liposuction.
17. Some Blues names for women:
a. Sadie
b. Big Mama
c. Bessie
d. Fat River Dumpling
18. Some Blues names for men:
a. Joe
b. Willie
c. Little Willie
d. Big Willie
19. Persons with names like Michelle, Amber, Jennifer, Debbie,
and Heather can’t sing the Blues no matter how many
men they shoot in Memphis.
20. Blues Name Starter Kit
a. name of physical infirmity (Blind, Cripple, Lame, etc.)
b. first name (see above) plus name of fruit (Lemon, Lime,
Kiwi, etc.)
c. last name of President (Jefferson, Johnson, Fillmore, etc.)
For example: Blind Lime Jefferson, Pegleg Lemon
Johnson or Cripple Kiwi Fillmore, etc. (Well, maybe not “Kiwi.”)
21. I don’t care how tragic your life is: if you own a computer, you
cannot sing the blues, period.
admin answers:
Fonzie, I love the blues. And this had to be one of the funniest things I’ve ever read.
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Your Questions About Shopping Online Primark
Robert asks…
where is an online Primark shopping site?
i really need to see a Primark online shopping site
admin answers:
How about this one,check to visit http://http://www.popfashionstore.com/product/brand/index.html/product/brand/index.html?af=4 , I always buy things there.the price is reasonable and people are very kind.
Mark asks…
Wouldn’t it be great if primark did online shopping, anyone know if they have plans to?
If not can anyone think of any similar websites that do online shopping?
admin answers:
That would actually be awsome , my nearest primark is like 1/2 hour away =[ but i absolutely love it. :D and if they did put their clothes on the internettt you wouldnt have to line up in the HUGEEEEEE liness!
Carol asks…
Primark shopping online
Does anyone know if there’s a website showing Primark‘s new stock?
Thanks.
admin answers:
All I could find is this:
http://www.primark.co.uk/index2.shtml
Good job really, if they had a site where you could buy stuff I’d never stop spending!
Laura asks…
does anyone know of any shops online like Primark or just nice reasonable prices ladies clothes?
I love primark clothes, their cheap so you can wear them a few times and not feel bad when you dont want them anymore!
As Primark do not have an on line shop does anyone know if there are any online shops that are similar???
admin answers:
H&M have a sale on right now.
Charles asks…
why doesnt primark have an online shop like every other successfull clothes shop in this country?
new look,river island,top shop even peacocks they all have online shops so why does primark thinks its so special that it can’t even be bothered to make an online store for itself? Doesnt it care about the punters??
by the way I probably have spelt words wrong. I do that alot. Don’t get mad.
admin answers:
Probably because it sells poor quality cheap tat which it imports and sells at a low profit margin, making it impossible to offer more savings.
Maria asks…
one of those days again where i think how unfortunate is it that primark don’t have online shopping?
those morons.
admin answers:
I know! Tell me about it.
They better get it sorted!
Sandra asks…
primark shopping – 10 points?
can someone please show me the shop online at primark
thanks
admin answers:
Http://primarkonlineshop.com/
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Your Questions About Next Shopping On Line
Thomas asks…
do you find it rude when your shopping and the person next in line rushes?
up on you.
my example I was shopping today i paid with cash money so I had to put my cash i also count it so if there is an issue i still have the attention of the teller. then i put it in my purse or back pocket. today back pocket was that. Before I could even fold my money to put it away this lady was hiding my bag of stuff i bought with her body.
Once i got my money away i grabed my bag i said excuse me may i get my things. and she said sorry.. so I know it wasn’t intentional but this is just one example
i’m in ahurry because of lunch … but i find some people who do this are rude. Lilke can I have personal space.. if i wasn’t paying attention and yawned I would of knocked the lady out.
WTF.
Where do you draw the line and when do you say something to another human for their rushes.?
i know we are in the fast go go go faster age. but still.
okay i normally do not thumbs down people but i guess today is an exception!
Please guys answer the questions I ask not the ones you develop in your head. please and thank you!
admin answers:
Im a cashier at a local mall around where I live. Unfortunately its really common for people to just assume that they have to rush the person in front of them. They should be aware that shopping is not a race. Generally if a customer does this I tell them to wait one moment (politely) and finish up with the other customer. Your cashier probably should have done that but sadly this doesn’t deter all customers. I would draw the line at someone just pushing their way in front of me and invading my space rather than just rushing me from behind. I say definitely mention when someone is being rude to you but don’t make a scene out of it because that helps no one.
Robert asks…
How do you keep a story interesting without rushing ahead to the next line or conversation?
“Wooo! Can we go on again?” Summer asked us all as we were clinking back to the start of the ride.
“YESS!” we all screeched pulling the safety bars back over us.
About six hours, lunch and lots more rides later we were tiring and Elisha’s mum who was picking us up rang us to say that she was done shopping and she’d be coming to pick us up in half an hour.
We rode our last ride at Alton Towers and then mooched back up to the car park were Elisha’s mum was waiting.
“Hi girls! Did you all have fun?” Elisha’s mum, Claire, asked, “Mind the bags, I‘ve been shopping all day.”
Elisha shoved all the bags in the boot and said “Get in.”
etc.
I feel like when I write I rush my story. The paragraph or sentence can be decent but then the next line will seem rushed like I’ve got bored of that bit so I’ll move on. How can I prevent this?
admin answers:
As you’re writing your first draft, you don’t have to worry too much about the pace of the story… That’s more an issue that comes with editing, than with initial writing.
Let yourself rush ahead if it feels like you’re bored… Maybe the story is ready to keep moving. You can always go back and add more if you need to. When you’re done with the entire story, and you have a better idea of the story that you’re telling, you’ll be able to reread what you’ve written and say “I’m rushing this… I want there to be more tension in this scene” and you can insert more dialogue, description or conflict as you need to.
It’s best to not focus TOO much on pacing during this first draft. Focus on getting the story out, and on your second draft, focus on getting the story better formed.
John asks…
How much makeup do you wear for everyday things like grocery shopping, errands etc. or do you not wear any?
Sometimes I feel like I wear too much makeup to go out for everday things like shopping and other errands etc. Here’s what I wear:
I do a full face application of Almay Smart Shade makeup, then I powder any shiny parts with a translucent face powder (usually Cover Girl), next I use some eyebrow powder on my eyebrows to fill in any bald looking spots. Then I apply only 1 shade of eyeshadow to my eyelids only (usually a med. brown eyeshadow). Next, I line my eyes with black liquid eyeliner, top of eye only along the edge of the eyelids and I try to make the line as thin as I can. (I never ever skip the eyeliner step, I feel naked without it). Next I do a coat of mascara and sometimes I curl my eyelashes and sometimes I don’t (depending on how much time I have). Then my favorite lipstick or lipgloss and finally, depending on if I have time or not I’ll use a little bit blush, but I usually skip the blush. Is that too much make-up to wear for going out to do errands?
admin answers:
I do my whole face…foundation, powder, eyeshadow, liner, mascara, lipstick or lipgloss…even if i`m just at home…i just luv playing around with makeup, it`s fun & i like to see how creative i can get!!! The only time i ever go outside without my makeup on, is when i`m going to the tanning bed…
Maria asks…
Why do I need to take my telephone plug out from socket when I use my Credit card machine on the same tel line?
Here in my shop, I have got one tel line which is connected to my tel and Credit card machine. When I use C/C machine, the transaction does not go through until I disconnect the tel from its socket.
This problem does not occur in my next door shop. please help…
admin answers:
Your telephone jack is wired incorrectly. Try using a phone in the jack that you have the credit card machine plugged into.
Sandy asks…
My boyfriend and I are off to Greece next month and I want to buy a few new, cute outfits?
but I don’t want to spend alot. It will be cold in Greece next month and I need to do my shopping on-line! Any great stores that I should check out?
admin answers:
Www.gojane.com
www.pinkicestore.com
www.wetseal.com
www.cutesyshoes.com
thats where i get all my clothes from i love all of those websites they are amazing!! Have fun!
Lizzie asks…
Sinfulsaintapparel.com What comes to mind? Would you be curious about there jewelry line?
its a domain name i’m coming up with, so far I have my Jewelry line, next mission is creating shirts in a few months… Would you shop at a place with this name? I sell rosaries (fashion) for jews, muslims and catholics, but no jesus on the crucifix, sorry y’all!
Or how about sinfulsaintdesign.com?
I believe I can only handle the main religions lol, there are already a lot of christian rosaries and pagan and wiccan ones
admin answers:
Personally i would definitely look into. I am jewish so i would surely check it out!
Carol asks…
The Blues- Do’s & Dont’s
Another email I got. Anyone else see this? (Bet this has already been posted here 12 dozen times, huh?)
If you are new to Blues music, or like it but never really understood
the why and wherefores, here are some very fundamental rules:
1. Most Blues begin with: “Woke up this morning…”
2. “I got a good woman” is a bad way to begin the Blues, unless
you stick something nasty in the next line like, “I got a good
woman, with the meanest face in town.”
3. The Blues is simple. After you get the first line right, repeat it.
Then find something that rhymes – sort of: “Got a good woman
with the meanest face in town. Yes, I got a good woman with
the meanest face in town. Got teeth like Margaret Thatcher
and she weigh 500 pound.”
4. The Blues is not about choice. You stuck in a ditch, you stuck
in a ditch…ain’t no way out.
5. Blues cars: Chevys, Fords, Cadillacs and broken-down trucks.
Blues don’t travel in Volvos, BMWs, or Sport Utility Vehicles.
Most Blues transportation is a Greyhound bus or a southbound
train. Jet aircraft and state-sponsored motor pools ain’t even in
the running. Walkin’ plays a major part in the Blues lifestyle.
So does fixin’ to die.
6. Teenagers can’t sing the Blues. They ain’t fixin’ to die yet.
Adults sing the Blues. In Blues, “adulthood” means being old
enough to get the electric chair if you shoot a man in Memphis.
7. Blues can take place in New York City but not in Hawaii or
anywhere in Canada. Hard times in Minneapolis or Seattle is
probably just clinical depression. Chicago, St. Louis, Kansas
City, Memphis, and Nawlins are still the best places to have
the Blues. You cannot have the Blues in any place that don’t
get rain.
8. A man with male pattern baldness ain’t the Blues. A woman
with male pattern baldness is. Breaking your leg ’cause you
were skiing is not the Blues. Breaking your leg ’cause a alligator
be chomping on it is.
9. You can’t have no Blues in an office or a shopping mall. The
lighting is wrong. Go outside to the parking lot or sit by the
dumpster.
10. Good places for the Blues
a. highway
b. jailhouse
c. empty bed
d. bottom of a whiskey glass
11. Bad places for the Blues
a. Nordstrom’s
b. gallery openings
c. Ivy League institutions
d. golf courses
12. No one will believe it’s the Blues if you wear a suit, ‘less you
happen to be an old person, and you slept in it.
13. Do you have the right to sing the Blues?
Yes, if:
a. you’re older than dirt
b. you’re blind
c. you shot a man in Memphis
d. you can’t be satisfied
No, if:
a. you have all your teeth
b. you were once blind but now can see
c. the man in Memphis lived
d. you have a 401K or trust fund
14. Blues is not a matter of color. It’s a matter of bad luck. Tiger
Woods cannot sing the Blues. Sonny Liston could have.
Ugly white people also got a leg up on the Blues.
15. If you ask for water and your darlin’ gives you gasoline, it’s
the Blues.Other acceptable Blues beverages are:
a. cheap wine
b. whiskey or bourbon
c. muddy water
d. black coffee
The following are NOT Blues beverages:
a. Perrier
b. Chardonnay
c. Snapple
d. Slim Fast
16. If death occurs in a cheap motel or a shotgun shack, it’s a
Blues death. Stabbed in the back by a jealous lover is
another Blues way to die. So are the electric chair,
substance abuse and dying lonely on a broken-down cot.
You can’t have a Blues death if you die during a tennis
match or while getting liposuction.
17. Some Blues names for women:
a. Sadie
b. Big Mama
c. Bessie
d. Fat River Dumpling
18. Some Blues names for men:
a. Joe
b. Willie
c. Little Willie
d. Big Willie
19. Persons with names like Michelle, Amber, Jennifer, Debbie,
and Heather can’t sing the Blues no matter how many
men they shoot in Memphis.
20. Blues Name Starter Kit
a. name of physical infirmity (Blind, Cripple, Lame, etc.)
b. first name (see above) plus name of fruit (Lemon, Lime,
Kiwi, etc.)
c. last name of President (Jefferson, Johnson, Fillmore, etc.)
For example: Blind Lime Jefferson, Pegleg Lemon
Johnson or Cripple Kiwi Fillmore, etc. (Well, maybe not “Kiwi.”)
21. I don’t care how tragic your life is: if you own a computer, you
cannot sing the blues, period.
admin answers:
Fonzie, I love the blues. And this had to be one of the funniest things I’ve ever read.
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